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The night Darth Vader babysat me


I had a dream once where Darth Vader babysat for me.

This is actually a dream I had when I was a kid and that I thought it was hilarious. When I was young, we couldn't find any other babysitter, and my dad pulled his car up to a most unusual residence. I mean it was usual in the sense that it was just like any other house in our subdivision, except it wasn't a house that I recognized Then when he came to the door, Darth Vader answered. "Ho, Pa Ho, Pa Yes. I'll Watch Your Boy." "You really don't mind?"my dad asked. "No, no, it's fine. I just was finishing some housework." "Thanks, Darth. I appreciate it." And then he just drove off. I looked out the window like a frightened Norman Rockwell child and saw my dad smile like he was just given a paid vacation and wasn't coming back anytime soon. I felt my stomach drop and felt myself say "Oh no" in a Mr. Bill voice. The next thing I knew Darth comes by, picks me up by the legs and throws me down this house, which for some reason had three stories of floor cut out of it, so you could reach the bottom by ladder or by being thrown down it.

Darth picked me up like he did the Emperor in Return of the Jedi right over the hole in the floor. "You go down with the other kids!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.


I fell into this pit of children, reminiscent of the scene from Toy Story where there's all those little aliens in that claw machine. They must have been there a while because they kept saying "You're never going to leave us. You're never going to leave us." "My dad will be back soon and we'll see," I whined.


There was a big fat kid who, I can't explain it, he kind of reminded me of Jabba the Hutt because he slid when he walked and he kind of just liked to stay atop his bean bag. He seemed to be the leader. He had the others put Fisher Price handcuffs on me. They made me tell corny jokes to the other kids night and day. Day after day passed this way and still there was no sign of dad. Meat was thrown down from above every so often, to which the kids pounced on like savages. It was first come, first serve. A fishing pole with a bowl full of water was lowered into the pit as well. A year later, to date, he came. I marked the dates in the dust on the sand pit grounds. All I heard upstairs though, was an "Agh!" growl. I heard the woosh of lightsabers and watched the flashes of light from above, but couldn't make out who was fighting. That's when I saw it. Darth Vader's body was thrown down into the pitt. I couldn't believe it. The fishing rod was lowered. I jumped on, climbed up and there was..."Dad?" My dad had grown so much hair and I couldn't understand a word he was saying.


"Argh da Chewbacca" he said.


"Whatever dad, let's just go. You have to stop eating and talking."


That was that. Supposedly my dad signed a contract with Vader that he had me for a year, one he wasn't aware of because he was in such a hurry to go to the White Sox game. That was a long Sox game. Anyway, when he confronted Vader a year later as he was mowing his lawn. My dad was ready for him, and that's all that matters. So, what does the dream mean? I don't know. I probably just finished watching a Star Wars marathon at the time though.



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